Sunday, May 27, 2012

Sometimes You Just Have to Leave Them Behind

        We were invited to a wedding this past weekend.  The wedding of a "4 year old child" that I was resident babysitter to for about 4 years of my life as a teenager.  She is not a child anymore, which is strangely odd considering I have not aged at all. :)  The service was beautiful and as I sat and watched them commit themselves to each other, I was reminded of my own commitment that I made 14 years ago.   A commitment to choose to love someone for the rest of my life.  Someone with no blood ties, a complete stranger really, nothing linking me to him but the vows that we made on that day. 
          Love for  a spouse is so different than the love you have for your children.  I love my kids, adore them, would lay down my life for them, no questions asked, no second thoughts.  They are my flesh, my blood, my soul, my spirit, you get the point.  But my husband has none of these connections to me.  I chose him and he chose me, that's the only tie we have.  It is for this very reason that sometimes I choose to leave my children behind. 
             In my quest to teach my children what it means to love someone and to know someone, I have to constantly be aware of my relationship with the man I have chosen to be my husband. Let's face it, who wants wake up in 20 years to a house with no children and a man that you hardly know. And though it may be unimaginable that our children will one day leave us behind, ultimately as a parent, our goal should be that they will grow up, they will make a life for themselves, they will LET GO! (Someone remind me that I said this in about 11 years when B is graduating high school...)
           With the aid of our family and some friends we were able to enjoy about 60 hours of adult conversation, adult meals, adult beverages, adult activities, on adult time,   Do you know how precious that time is in a house that revolves around three small beings?  We reconnected, we enjoyed each other, we sat in the car and rode in glorious silence, we laughed, we danced, we picked random places on the GPS to visit, we saw old friends, we held hands, we even stole the occasional kiss without hearing a resounding chorus of "Eeeeeewwwww, ggggrrrooooosssss!", we recharged our batteries and renewed our commitment not only to ourselves but to our children as well.  And an eight hour car trip one way was not the dread fest I was thinking it would be, it was actually quite enjoyable! 
                So in conclusion, I want to say thank you to the people that make it possible for me to recharge my relationship with my husband.  We truly appreciate the support of my mom, my in laws, my niece, and my dear friends for taking on our children for a few days while we enjoyed each other.  And to anyone out there that has not "tried it", I encourage you to make a plan for yourself and your spouse.  Leave your children behind and rediscover why you chose each other in the first place even if it is just for a half hour at McDonald's with a cup of coffee.  The only rule you need to follow is, "No Happy Meals Allowed!"  Enjoy yourself, enjoy your spouse, return a better wife, a better woman, a better mom. 

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